Self Confidence: Conquer Disappointment

Building self confidence and learning to be fearless is something that every girl should do! Why live your life small, afraid, and in a box?
Break out those butterfly wings girl!
Read on to discover how you can conquer enemies that attempt to steal our dreams, such as disappointment and fear.
Don't forget to take our "How Brave Are You?" Quiz!

Disappointment. That crushing feeling on your heart when your ice cream cone falls on the floor. When tragedy strikes. When cruel ocean waves topple over your fragile sandcastle dreams.

We've all been there.
Your best friend starts dating your crush, you don’t get the lead in the musical, or your favorite T.V. show gets discontinued.

Big or small, disappointment stinks.

It hurts to have our hopes tossed onto the hard cement.

Girls who have experienced one heart-ache after another, like a broken friendship followed by another rejection, can start to think,

“Why should I bother to get my hopes up?
I'm only going to be let down.  Again.”

A victim to cruel disappointments can feel the flowery hopes of her soul start to wither. She can adopt a cynical outlook on life.

She can start to feel like everyone and everything is out to get her. That none can be trusted and she must watch out for only one person…herself.

This is a heartbreaking outlook to have on life. This suspicious, mistrusting attitude is a disguised shade of wide-eyed fear.

Disappointment. That crushing feeling on your heart when your ice cream cone falls on the floor. When tragedy strikes. When cruel ocean waves topple over your fragile sandcastle dreams.

We've all been there.
Your best friend starts dating your crush, you don’t get the lead in the musical, or your favorite T.V. show gets discontinued.

Big or small, disappointment stinks.

It hurts to have our hopes tossed onto the hard cement.

Girls who have experienced one heart-ache after another, like a broken friendship followed by another rejection, can start to think,

“Why should I bother to get my hopes up? I'm only going to be let down. Again.”

A victim to cruel disappointments can feel the flowery hopes of her soul start to wither. She can adopt a cynical outlook on life.

She can start to feel like everyone and everything is out to get her. That none can be trusted and she must watch out for only one person…herself.

This is a heartbreaking outlook to have on life. This suspicious, mistrusting attitude is a disguised shade of wide-eyed fear.

Dodging Disappointment

Being afraid of disappointment is like being afraid of breathing.

It is totally inevitable.

It cannot be avoided.

We live in an imperfect world with imperfect people.

Things are not always going to go your way and you will shed some tears over broken dreams.

The good news?

You don’t have to let disappointment rule your life!

Don’t let it keep you from dreaming huge dreams and taking action to make them happen!

Many closet dreamers are afraid of failure and disappointment. They are afraid that if they step out into the light and tell their friends and family what they really wish to do, that they'll attempt to fly and end up falling.

Many girls are afraid to dream and hope beyond what they can see.

The fear of disappointment is a fear of being hurt.

We try to avoid this at all costs, dodging disappointment, shuddering to take risks because seriously...who wants to get punched in the face and thrown onto the ground?

Do you remember the first time your big brother punched you in the gut?

You screamed and cried and wished you could erase the pain.

But the second time he tried to whack you, you blocked him because you knew what was coming. Your “self-protection” mode kicked in because you were afraid of getting hurt again.

This is the same thing that happens to people who have been shot in the heart with arrows of disappointment. They put on armor and are prepared for the blows of this world.

Hope Deferred Makes The Heart Sick

As human beings, we will go to great lengths to protect ourselves from getting hurt emotionally.

It makes sense, right? If Lilly-Loose-Lips blabbed to everyone at school about your crush, you're not going to confide in her again. We learn from our mistakes and experiences. We learn who to trust and who to steer clear from.

But when we cling to past disappointments and refuse to let them go, we begin to see this world in a jaded way as our hearts become sick with worry and fear.

It’s so important to let go of disappointment!

Don't let past hurts and failures suck the joy out of your life. You can dream about the future.

I know it might feel impossible right now...daring to dream feels vulnerable and risky.

Here are some practical steps to let go of disappointment and hope for a better tomorrow.

1) Have A Good Cry

Did you flunk an audition, fail a job interview or discover that your boyfriend was cheating on you?

It’s terrible to feel like we’ve fallen short of our dreams. The first time I auditioned for a local theater production, I didn’t get a part.

My high hopes had been dashed to the ground. I was sent home with shattered pieces of a heart in my hand.

My life has been peppered with disappointments.

The first time I took my drivers license test, I didn’t pass. I felt like such a loser and couldn’t believe that I wasn’t good enough.

I mean, how hard is it to drive a stupid car? All my friends passed! What was wrong with me?

When a friend that I trusted deeply hurt me, I felt so disappointed, and wondered if I would ever find a true friend again.

Everyone experiences these things. Everyone.

One of the biggest lies you'll hear between your ears, about disappointment, is that you're the only one whose been there!

Lie alert!

It’s okay to cry. It’s okay to release those emotions of hurt that have been bottled up inside. Don’t try to be too strong. Don’t say,
“Ptsh, that’s no big deal, I should be stronger than this, this shouldn’t even be an issue.”

It is a big deal. It’s your life, and to you, in this moment, this feels like it just changed the course of history.

Talk to someone about how you feel. Write in a journal or go for a bike ride alone.
Talk to God. Hey, if you want to, listen to a sad song.

Let your quivering emotions drain out until you realize that it’s okay to feel like this. Getting hurt, being disappointed, causes real pain, and no problem is too silly or non-important.

Trust me, if it matters to you, it matters to God!

He took the sweet time to number every hair on your head. He cares about every detail of your life.

2) Remember: This Isn’t The End of the World

Right now, in this moment of your life, it feels like today is all you have. That these years are the most crucial in your life and that the future will never arrive.

But honestly girl, before you know it, the pain that you feel today will be nothing less than a memory from six years ago!

Life will go on. You will go on, and you will grow stronger from this moment!

Remember; this isn’t the end of the world!

People still love you. Somewhere in the world kids are still laughing, the stars are still shining, and a new-born baby just arrived in the hospital downtown!

New beginnings of this beautiful life and opportunities, are all around you. Your days will be colored with glorious sunsets, new people to meet and new places to go!

You won’t feel like this forever. I promise. It gets better.

End your pity party and begin looking at this world through new eyes. Take note of the beautiful things.

Listen to positive music, take a jog to clear your head, remember what you’ve got to be thankful for, and take time to smell the roses. Look at the beauty of creation and life all around you, then celebrate it!

3) Forgive Them, Forgive Yourself

If someone has hurt you, it’s time to forgive. You hurt, you cried, you ached…and now it’s time to let go.

Jesus makes it pretty clear that harboring un-forgiveness in our hearts is wicked, hurtful, and totally unhealthy!

(In fact, Jesus says if we want to be forgiven...we have to forgive!)

If you want to get past this, you have to move on. Don't keep singing sad songs about what could have been.

A great way to do this is to close your eyes, bunch up your fist and imagine that all your pain and twisted-gut hatred toward this person is balled up in your first.

Squeeze it hard, oozing out every last drop of hurt.

Then, open your mouth and say, “Ellie, you hurt me. But I forgive you for that. We all make mistakes. I release you from this pain that you have caused me, and I’m gonna let you live your life!”

Open your hand and let it go. Erase the memory from your mind and forget what she did to you. It’s in the past now.

Why hold it against her?

Someday you'll probably hurt someone as much as Ellie hurt you.

Wouldn’t you want that person to forgive you as well?

Forgiveness is vital to getting over this disappointment, moving on, and enjoying life again!

Another person you may have to forgive, is yourself.

Maybe you bombed the audition, said a stupid thing, or feel like this disappointment is all your fault.

Don’t be so hard on yourself!

Nobody is expecting you to live this life perfectly, except for yourself. So let that go, because you're going to make plenty of mistakes.

You’re only human and you need forgiveness too!

Gather those mistakes into your hand, crunch 'em up and say,

“I forgive myself for doing this. God forgives me, and so do I.”

Then open up and let it go!

We can’t keep dwelling in the past, reliving times that we’ve screwed up. This will slow us down, steal our dreams, and make us feel miserable. Don’t you want to feel free again?

4) Dare To Dream
I use the word dare, because only truly brave hearts know how to pick themselves up after disappointment and march on toward their dreams.

This disappointment didn’t happen because your dream is impossible…no, it happened because your dream is absolutely attainable!

The path toward your dream is full of hurdles and you have to be determined to jump them all. All one-hundred of them. Not just ninety-nine. You have to keep going!

A dream fulfilled is a tree of life because we must push past everything hard, impossible, and heart-stopping to get there.

When we finally reach our sweet spot, our garden oasis…the place we were made to be, we will look back and realize that pressing through the pain was worth it!

Do what you were made to do, and don’t let anything stop you.

Go to another audition. Retake that drivers test. Reach out to that friend who hurt you.
Don’t be afraid of pain or rejection. That’s all part of loving and living!

Self Confidence: Quiz! How Brave Are You?

Do you rise to every challenge with a fearless “I-Can-Do-This” attitude, or do you slunk towards the back door every time something hard comes your way?
Take this quiz to find out! Grab a piece of scrap paper and jot down one letter for each answer you choose. At the end of the quiz, add up your letters to see where you land on the Brave-O-Meeter!

1) You’re at a fancy new restaurant with your family. The menu is full of foreign food you’ve never had before. What do you do?

A) Order off the kids menu please! Old favorites like chicken nuggets and fries.

B) Try something new but order an old favorite as well, just encase I don’t like it.

C) Order a foreign food that I’ve never had before! Might as well be adventurous!

2) At summer camp, all your friends are going on the zip line. It looks scary, towering up in the air! What do you do?

A) Not go on it. Not even for a million dollars.

B) Refuse to go…unless of course a friend can talk me into it.

C) I’d be the first one up there!

3) Stephanie suggests that you audition for the local theater production of Peter Pan. She thinks you’d make a great Wendy! You’ve never been in a play before. What do you do?

A) Say no way. I’d get stage fright.

B) Audition, but only for a small speaking part or in the chorus. Having the lead would be too scary!

C) Go for the lead! You never know unless you try, right?

4) In Art Class, your teacher Mr. Newcomer introduces everyone to the new girl. What do you do?

A) Say "Hi", but only if she comes and sits by me.

B) Invite her to sit with me and my friends at lunch, but not until later…when no one’s looking.

C) Suggest that she sits next to me, ask her where she’s from, and if she likes art.

5) You’ve noticed that your elderly neighbor across the street, Miss Jenson is having a hard time getting around lately. You feel bad for her and wish that you could do something. What do you do?

A) Remind yourself to pray for her every night.

B) Say "Hello" next time we’re both outside at the same time.

C) Call her on the telephone, offer to clean her house, and bring her some cookies!

6) Nellie asks if you want to go horseback riding with her. You’ve turned her down a few times because horses are kind of scary. But she’s asking you again. What do you do?

A) Tell her I’m allergic to horse hair… anything to get her to quit asking!

B) Explain to her that I’m kind of afraid of horses, but I'm willing to try, just as long as I can take it really slow at first.

C) I would go with her in a heartbeat! That sounds like so much fun! Even if it is a little nerve wrecking.

7) Ah, it’s a summer day spent at the pool. A few of your friends are going on the high dive. Even your little brother is going. But you can’t stand the thought of it! What do you do?

A) Stick in the kitty pool…where I’m comfortable!

B) Maybe try a small diving board, and slowly work my way up to it…but not the big one yet!

C) Take a deep breath, climb the ladder, and concur that fear!

8) Your friend Josh invited you to go water-skiing with his family. It looks kind of scary! What do you do?

A) Decline. I don’t want to feel uncomfortable.

B) Ride along in the boat. I will only get out on water skis of they promise to drive the boat at a dead crawl!

C) Say, “Of course!”

9) The whole family is at Disney World and your little brothers are fearless bombing the biggest roller coasters. They challenge you to ride Space Mountain, one of the most intense thrill rides at the park! What do you do?

A) Let them be crazy, I’ll stick with Mom on the Magic Teacups.

B) Promise to ride a big ride, but something a little less intense then Space Mountain.

C) Tackle their challenge. Then dare them go on an even bigger ride!

10) You’re at the mall with your Mom, and you see a girl who looks a lot like your favorite country singer. Other fans are running up and asking for her autograph. What do you do?

A) Tug on Mom’s sleeve and point out who it is.

B) Slowly and wonder over and see if I can talk to her.

C) Run over and get a picture with her, get her autograph, and tell her what a huge fan I am!

11) Everyone at school has been buzzing about the latest book series (that is soon to be a blockbuster movie.) Personally, you read the book and don’t like it. What do you do?

A) Pretend to like it, just because everyone else does.

B) Don’t say anything about it unless someone asks me directly, “Do you like this book?”

C) Tell them that I think it stinks. My opinion matters too!

12) Your cheer-leading team has been assigned to sell Crispy Cream Donuts outside of Target to raise money. What do you do?

A) Ask to be the cashier so that I don’t have to try to sell anything.

B) Stick with my friend and let her do the talking. I just have to smile.

C) Come up with a fun cheer to get people to buy it, talk to as many folks as I can, and make some money for the team!

13) The new girl at school, Olivia, has been missing school for a few days. You ask your teacher why, and she said that her Aunt died. What do you do?

A) Feel sorry for her then get move on with my day.

B) Write her a little note and slip it in her locker for when she comes back.

C) Call her on the phone and ask when the funeral is so that I can go show my support.

14) Your Sunday School teacher is asking for volunteers to visit some kids at the hospital during Christmas time. What do you do?

A) Slip into the back row and hope that someone else volunteers. Hospitals make me nervous.

B) Offer to go, just as long as I have a good friend with me.

C) Be one of the first people to raise their hands and go whether anyone else is or not.

If you answered mostly A’s…
It sounds like you’re an introverted girl who likes her comfort zone! Nobody likes to feel uneasy and fear can do that to us. Life is full of challenges that beckon us out of our comfort zone. You know what the best thing is about tackling fears and challenges? Because once we cover new territory, that becomes our new comfort zone! Read on for ideas about how to make yourself more confident and a little bit more fearless!

If you answered mostly B’s…
It sounds like you’re a confident girl who knows what she’s comfortable with and what she isn’t. You like to try new things, sometimes, as long as they’re not too daring!
It’s great that you’re open to trying new things.
Keep that attitude and you will make this life one to remember!

If you answered mostly C’s
Woah! Has anyone ever called you a daredevil? It sounds like you’re pretty fearless! That’s great that you want to tackle the unknown with a “can-do” attitude! I’m sure there are still some things in your life that you feel uneasy about, but as long as you keep reminding yourself to try knew things, trust yourself, and never be afraid…you’ll become more and more free!

Self Confidence: Conquer Fear!

Fear is a creepy little four letter word. It’s that creepy shiver that crawls down our spine, awful feeling that wrenches in our gut and keeps us wide awake and night, chewing on our finger nails.

What are you afraid of?

Everyone fears different things.

Snakes, fire, drowning, spiders, tornadoes, wild men with chainsaws…it feels like the world is full of things to be afraid of!

Some fears are normal and healthy. The fear of heights tells us that it’s stupid to jump off a building. The fear of sharks reminds us not to cuddle up with wild animals. Some fears work as self-preservation to remind us to do smart things to be safe, such as be careful with a knife in the kitchen, lock the doors when we’re home alone and have a working fire alarm in the house.

It’s good to be prepared!

But some fears…let’s face it…they’re just pretty ridiculous, aren’t they?

Fear is a thought which is usually fabricated when our imagination runs a little bit wild.

Remember your fear of monsters being under the bed?

They weren’t actually there, were they?

You just thought they were.

As a young girl, I used to be afraid that Cruella De Ville would come to my front door.

Of course, she did never did. This was not a thought based on truth, but complete fiction.

We can be afraid of silly things like spiders, monsters or even the Easter Bunny (yeah, don’t ask…) but as we grow older, there are some fears that still cling to us.

Fears of being alone, friendless, getting hurt, being abandoned, disappointing those we love, or failing to reach a dream.

We can be afraid of embarrassment, challenges, or even change.

But it’s these fears, the fears that affect our decision making in everyday life that we need to face head on.

Fear can keep us from reaching our dreams. Fear can even keep us from dreaming.

We can think thoughts like, “I could never do something like that, so I’m not even going to try…”

Fear is very disabling. It can stop us in our tracks even before we get started!

Self Confidence Spotlight: Bethany Hamilton

One of my favorite stories to share is the tale of a young surfer girl, Bethany Hamilton. Her dream was to become a professional surfer. But one day, a shark attacked her while she was in the water. You can learn about her story, in the movie Soul Surfer. Check out Bethany's website here. http://bethanyhamilton.com/.

She survived the attack and even though she lost an arm she was determined to get back in the water.

You see, sharks of fear will always be swimming where we were destined to be!

Bethany could’ve easily said, “I’m so afraid that a shark will attack me again!”

But she didn’t. She believed that Christ in her was bigger then her fear, and she inspired a nation with her bravery.

What do you dream about doing with your life?

Would you like to be an artist, an author, a dancer or a science teacher?

Close your eyes for a moment and imagine yourself, doing something that you love to do. Does it make you feel excited every time you think about it? Does that one thing feel impossible to accomplish? Are you sometimes afraid that you might not reach it?

FEAR is going to try to keep you from that place, that place where you were predestined to be.

Fear will tell you that you’re not good enough, won’t be brave enough, might loose your friends, might loose your popularity or that someone you love might hurt you terribly.

If you choose to chase your dreams, any of these things might happen.

But something else might happen as well.

You might reach the dream!

You might become that girl that you’ve always wanted to be, and just like Bethany Hamilton, you could inspire a world of young dreamers.

Don’t listen to any voice that says you cannot do what you were made to do.

It might be risky? Yes, it might.

It might cost you everything? Maybe.

But won’t it be worth it to find out?

I can tell you this; regret is a much worse feeling then the feeling of failure. If you fail, that means that you’re actually doing something right: you’re trying, despite the fear that you’re feeling!
There is only one way to concur fear: determine ahead of time that you will never let it beat you.

Fear is persistent. Be more persistent! If you fall down ninety nine times, get up that hundredth time!

Because you never know if the ninety ninth time might be the time that you win…the time that you’ll prove all your critics wrong.

Check out this page of Self Confidence quotes below. Read them everyday and remind yourself that fear is only a feeling! And feelings are not always true! Pin them, share them with your friends, print them out, and remind yourself that you can be fearless!

Self Confidence Quotes: